Posted on Wednesday, May 27th 2009, 12:03 pm by Asian Chris

 

 

20 Places to have Sex in Public

 

Anybody can have sex on a bed, couch or ironing board in the boring confines of his own home. It takes a special kind of thrill-crazy deviant to screw in a dive bar bathroom, the back of a taxi cab, a public pool or even inside a national monument. Thats where getting laid can result in utter humiliation, possible jail time and, in some cases, a nasty staph infection. But those pitfalls are outweighed by the adrenaline-spiked pleasure that awaits those with the balls to bang in public, which is why weve sought out Americas naughtiest nooks and crannies with your perverted kicks in mind. So without further ado, here are our 20 favorite places to screw:

Rehab party at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino 
Las Vegas, Nevada
The infamous Sunday afternoon party is the perfect place to befoul an already filthy body of water. Find the right tequila-damaged party girl to sidle up next to, and you’re just a trunk-yank away from the most shamefully awesome act you’ll ever perform in a public pool. Take your chance in the oil slick of floating belly rings and tanning lotion, or shell out big bucks for a bottle service cabana and close the curtain.
Deno’s Wonder Wheel at Coney Island
Brooklyn, New York
Climb into a car at this landmark ride (red and blue ones swing, white ones don’t) and wait until you reach the 150-foot peak before you put your own Nathan’s Famous to good use. That’s when the wheel stops and you can rock your conveniently spacious car with impunity before its slow descent. Between grunts and groans, enjoy stunning aerial views of America’s skeeziest beach resort. Afterwards, don’t forget to peep some post-coital thrills at Sideshows by the Seashore, where old-school carnies pound nails up their noses, eat broken glass and swallow swords. Then ask yourself who’s freakier: them or the weirdo who just had sex on a ferris wheel?
Wild Safari at Six Flags Great Adventure 
Jackson, New Jersey 
Turn your car into a rolling sexual safari while cruising through the largest drive-thru wildlife preserve outside of Africa. More than 1,200 animals including elephants, giraffes, rhinos, lions, tigers, zebras, kangaroos and brown bears amble through this 350-acre amusement park. The bored-looking beasts will often stroll right up to your vehicle along the four-and-a-half mile auto trail. Beware of overly aggressive baboons who have been known to swarm passing cars and pound on the roof, which could give new meaning to the “hot monkey sex” you’re enjoying.
It’s a Small World ride at The Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
It may seem like a bad idea to try to have sex on this venerable kiddie ride, but keep in mind that it’s surprisingly dark and the young ‘uns will be distracted by hundreds of creepy international puppets singing the mind-numbing theme song. Even if your ladyfriend says no to a mere hand job under the Goofy blanket on your lap, you can always suggest it again when you’re in line at Space Mountain.
A sauna
The extreme heat reduces the flow of oxygen to your brain, giving you a slight buzz and heightening your already-dazed senses. Just make sure your hot box is in a spa where you can reserve a private area for you and your sweaty sweetie, and jump into the ice-cold plunge pool after for maximum effect. Warning: if this is an old-school bathhouse where naked, mustachioed men are waggling their eyebrows at you, you may be in the wrong kind of sweat shop.
The Box 
New York, New York
After she gets revved up by this decadent downtown hotspot’s X-rated variety show (burlesque stripteases, cabaret weirdness and dildo play abound), pull her into the handicapped bathroom stall so you can brace yourself on the steel railings. We’re sure notoriously hedonistic owner Simon Hammerstein and shirtless, pansexual Box emcee Raven O would approve, but it’s best to be discreet in front of other club staffers. If you’re dropping a grand on bottle service while partying in a mezzanine level VIP booth, you might as well get your money’s worth.
Four Corners National Monument 
Arizona/Colorado/New Mexico/Utah 
Here’s the only place in America where you can have sex in four states at the same time. Located on a Navajo Indian Reservation, this spartan set-up includes a few picnic tables and arts and crafts booths. But the only spot you’ll have any privacy to perfect your trademark “Tomahawk Technique” is inside one of the Port-O-Johns near the visitor center. Just make sure you don’t tip it over; last time we did that, the Native American headdress we were wearing stank for days.
Notre Dame Stadium 
Notre Dame, Indiana
We know that drunken college students across America have attempted (and sometimes succeeded) in putting the “ass” in Astroturf on the 50 yard line of their home stadium. But if you manage to score a testicular touchdown on the field of Notre Dame, one of the most storied stadiums in college football, you’ll have the added bragging rights of doin’ it on the same grass once trod upon by Knute Rockne and Rudy.
Singapore Airlines 
Flight from Newark, New Jersey to Singapore
Forget trying to have hump-a-thons fueled by mini-bottles of booze in that tiny bathroom and do it in an actual bed in the sky. Not only is this the world’s longest continuous commercial flight at 19 hours, but the Singapore Airlines Airbus A380 is the first plane to offer an airborne double bed. So what happens after you’re done and still have 18 hours and 40 minutes to kill? Luckily, there’s an 80-film library available on the seat-back TVs, so at least you won’t be stuck watchingHigh School Musical III after you rumple your sheets.
Your office
Like we even have to mention this one. Here’s how it works for the uninitiated: Bring her to your place of work after-hours, then take her on a tour which ends with either the conference room or your boss’s annoyingly clean desk (your cubicle is already filthy enough). Turn the pictures of his children around, drop your pants and embark on a coital romp you’ll be bragging about to your colleagues for years to come. Until he has the cops run a check on one of the pubes you left behind and you get fired, that is.
Bonaventure Cemetery 
Savannah, Georgia
Should you wish to desecrate one of the many above-ground tombs that litter this spooky graveyard—made famous in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil—we recommend sneaking over the low wrought-iron fence after dark so you can bask in the evening breezes coming off the Wilmington River. Steel yourself before the unholy act by downing a few “to-go cups” picked up at the nearby bar district. Feeling guilty about defiling the dead? Don’t worry, nobody here will complain.
The Tram 
Jackon Hole Mountain Resort, Wyoming 
On your way up the mountain—before you disembark to shred 2,500 acres of gnarly, snow-capped terrain—get warm the old-fashioned way inside this state-of-the-art ski lift that opened in December 2008. If you luck out and somehow end up being the only two sex-starved skiers in the large steel cabin, you’ll have approximately nine glorious minutes before the tram climbs to 4,139 feet and drops you off. Bonus points for doing it with your snow pants around your ankles. 
Ocean City Boardwalk 
Ocean City, Maryland 
Perhaps the most underrated boardwalk on the East Coast, Ocean City boasts generous boom-boom room in certain spots beneath its weathered wooden planks. Only attempt this late at night, unless you want to risk the embarrassment of vacationers staring down at you through the cracks or the shame of Ocean City’s finest hauling your sandy ass off to jail. Choose your partner wisely: You’ll want to make sure the only crabs you catch are the meaty Maryland blues found in the traps off the pier. 
Johnny White’s 
New Orleans, Louisiana
Make sure veteran bartender “Evil Bob” is distracted by one of the dipsomaniacal regulars at this 24-hour Peter Street dive bar before you duck into the French Quarter’s filthiest crapper with your adventurous sweetheart. Though Johnny White’s never closes—it famously stayed open during Hurricane Katrina—there is a lock on the bathroom door. If she’s willing to bump uglies amid the fetid squalor of this bathroom, by all means put a ring on her dirty little finger.
The Alamo 
San Antonio, Texas
You’ll definitely “Remember the Alamo” if you manage to show that special somebody your longhorn inside this hallowed Lone Star State battleground. The venerable Spanish mission that was the site of the most famous firefight of the Texas Revolution in 1836 has plenty of nooks to furtively defile, provided you’re quicker on the draw than Davey Crockett was. Just try not to get caught with your pants down in front of the groups of schoolchildren trying to learn about our nation’s history.
El Matador Beach
Malibu, California
Head north of the public Zuma Beach in Malibu County, turn off the Pacific Coast Highway and pull into a small sandlot that holds about 10 cars. Walk down a steep, narrow and often-muddy path, spiraling down to a beautifully craggy beach and decent surf waves. During low tide, there’s a semi-hidden cove that daring couples can enter, unseen by other bathers (of which there are few). Get in and get out, and hope that a playful Labrador doesn’t ruin your climax by dropping a Frisbee on your bobbing, bare ass. Best to go in the early morning, or when dusk is falling. Unless, of course, you like to be watched.
On a party boat 
Lake Havasu, Arizona
Famously dubbed “Spring Lake” for the boatloads of bikini-clad coeds partying on the countless vessels during Spring Break season, Lake Havasu offers easy views of well-lubricated undergrads having sex aboard floating funships. If you’re lucky enough to get in on the action, try not to do it in front of the sunburned douchebag who’s rocking a puka-shell necklace and aiming a video camera at you‚ unless, of course, you don’t mind being featured on YouPorn. Wanna go fishing for potential boat beauties after dark? Abandon ship and go club-hopping at one of the many meat market nightspots along the lake.
Back seat of a taxi cab
New York, New York
We’ve fooled around in the laid-back, bead-draped cabs of New Orleans and the notoriously scarce taxis on the Sunset Strip, but the classic NYC yellow cab is your best bet to give or receive oral sex without getting yelled at and dumped onto the street. Your cabbie probably won’t even interrupt the animated cell phone conversation he’s having in Arabic when he spies her head going up and down in the rear-view mirror. Still nervous? Slip him a $20 bill as soon as you get in and tell him to crank up the radio. Trust us, it works.
The woods
Anywhere, USA
Yeah, that’s right, the woods. Remember when you snuck away from that kegger in high school and popped your cherry on a blanket with that girl from your Home Ec class? Sure, you found leaves in your jeans when you got home, and class on Monday morning was incredibly awkward, but you’ll treasure that moment forever. Remember: Wherever there is a secluded thicket of trees, two people who feel like makin’ love have a place to do just that. Somebody pass us a tissue, we’re getting misty-eyed.

 

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