Posted on Friday, January 20th 2012, 5:05 am by Andro

[image: crap usb gadgets]CRAP USB GADGETSIt is remark­able just how much cheap crap we, as a plan­et, pro­duce each and every year. The envi­ron­men­tal impact is wor­ry­ing, land­fills are swelling and car­bon emis­sions must come down – yet more and more junk con­tin­ues to roll out of the fac­to­ry. In addi­tion to this, many seem to think that adding USB con­nec­tiv­i­ty (usu­al­ly for a small amount of power as opposed to real inter­fac­ing) to afore­men­tioned plas­tic junk instant­ly makes it more saleable.

So, would you spend your money on these periph­er­als? USB Tie Fan Cool­er….Thing

Feel like you’re tied to your desk all day and look­ing for the ulti­mate way to cool off? Look no fur­ther, all you need is theUSB tie cool­er from Thanko. Some­what resem­bling the collar-bombs worn by impris­oned school­child­ren in the 2002 film *Bat­tle Royale*, the fan clips to your neck and is then cov­ered up with the includ­ed silk tie.

[image: crap usb gadgets]CRAP USB GADGETS

Of course, it’s USB pow­ered – so it’s com­plete­ly use­less (yet still too embarass­ing to take off) unless you’re near a com­put­er. Once you final­ly do get to your desk, find a spare USB port (by remov­ing non-essentials like mice and key­boards) and you’ll be the coolest cat in the office.

That is until you sud­den­ly get up to tell Bren­da you need that report by 5, tear­ing your lap­top off the table, show­er­ing your co-workers with cof­fee and pub­licly reveal­ing the secret to your body tem­per­a­ture reg­u­la­tion. Still, at least you won’t be hot under the col­lar? Chick­en’s Foot 2GB USB Stick

There are a lot of over­priced USB sticks on the mar­ket in all kinds of nov­el­ty shapes, capac­i­ties and sizes but most of them have a valid use – remov­able stor­age – that makes up for it. I am actu­al­ly hav­ing trou­ble with this par­tic­u­lar USBflash drive how­ev­er, as it appears to be in the shape of a chick­en’s foot.

[image: stupid usb gadget]STUPID USB GADGET

This of course means that the bloody thing will never fit com­fort­ably in your pock­et, and might also have trou­ble fit­ting into com­put­ers mount­ed on a flat sur­face (I do believe the toes would get in the way).

This rather small 2GB capac­i­ty appendage will sit on your desk for hours with­out falling over – though you’re prob­a­bly bet­ter off spend­ing the $30 on more space, rather than nov­el­ty form fac­tor. USB Mini UV Tooth­brush Sani­tis­er

Noth­ing says “pearly whites” like a ster­ile tooth­brush (I guess?) and now you can ster­ilise yours right at your desk! Excit­ed? Well hold on junior, because there might just be a teen­cy ween­cy issue with afore­men­tioned USB tooth­brush sani­tis­er… and that’ll be the USB part.

Who keeps their tooth­brush at their desk? More­over, who would take it out and actu­al­ly sani­tise it using this bloody thing? If tooth­brush san­i­ta­tion is high on your list of pri­or­i­ties then I don’t think a mini USB tooth­brush sani­tis­er is going to cut it – you’ll want the real deal.

Thus I con­clude there’s prob­a­bly not much of a mar­ket for semi-dedicated tooth­brush sani­tis­ers who stow their oral clean­ing con­trap­tions in the office. Next. USB Flower Pot Speak­er

Intro­duc­ing the USB Flower Pot Speak­er – because there’s sim­ply too much space on your desk! Or should that be Flower Pod Speak­er, as the man­u­fac­tur­ers have clev­er­ly coined it? Regard­less, not only does it require full use of a USB port for power but it also isn’t a real flower pot (which is a real shame).

[image: stupid usb gadget]STUPID USB GADGET

Don’t try to water, plant or re-pot your new musi­cal chum for he’s a sta­t­ic, life­less plas­tic dis­ap­point­ment who pro­duces no more than 2W RMS at the best of times. Maybe spend the money on some real speak­ers and a real plant instead… USB Eye Mas­sager

Unfor­tu­nate­ly this isn’t a case of affix­ing the wrong pho­to­graph to the wrong prod­uct descrip­tion, but a gen­uine prod­uct that is designed with an eye mas­sage in mind. If you’ve not already peeked at the image below then now is the time – just look at it…

[image: crap usb gadgets]CRAP USB GADGETS

Eye mas­sager? Real­ly? Not tor­ture device? Not “*turn it round and make rude sym­bols at your boss*” getting-fired device? I’m sup­posed to put this *in my eyes*? Accord­ing to the man­u­fac­tur­er:

*USB Eye Mas­sager is the latest-designed health care Prod­uct spe­cial­ly for the Per­son which long time use their eyes, Such as the Com­put­er oper­a­tor.*

I sup­pose that clears it up, then! Con­clu­sion

It’s not too late for new year res­o­lu­tions, and here’s an easy one we can all stick to : in addi­tion to the prod­ucts on this list, don’t buy cheap use­less USB crap. It might seem like a funny gift and even pro­vide 5 min­utes of laugh­ter but will ulti­mate­ly end up in a land­fill as wast­ed money, time, ener­gy and resources .

If you have any of your favourite crapUSB gad­gets then list them below, I’m dying to see what you’ve found…

Image Cred­it: Shut­ter­stock

Sent from aNYCELIFE iPhone

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